Time for...a cool change

I thought when I was in Las Vegas in 2004 that I'd experienced heat. I hadn't. Today, there is a TOTAL fire ban across the great state of Victoria (Tocumwal is actually in New South Wales, but it as close to the Victoria border as damn is to swearing). Temperatures will vary in the area from high 30s to mid-40s Celsius. Here in Tocumwal (pronounced TOE-kum-wol), the mercury should top off at around 42C. That's bad enough; however, these 'extreme' temps (the locals say that anything over 38 or 39 is really oppressive) are accompanied by a really wretched hot northwest wind. It's almost sickening. Fortunately, we're in for a 'cool change,' this afternoon -- though the full effect won't likely be felt until overnight. With a cool change, winds shift from the northwest to the south and are markedly cool. These winds will drive temperatures down by several degrees within a few hours. In fact, here's what Wikipedia has to say about the cool change phenomenon:

A Cool Change is a term used in south eastern Australia for the arrival of a Cold Front in the afternoon or evening after a day of high summertime temperatures.
The arrival of the front often produces falls in temperature in the order of 10C to 15C and sometimes thunderstorm activity.

We had a few evenings last week with a cool change and the effect is positively gorgeous. We're not likely to see much if any rain here...because of course we're in drought, but it sure would be nice to settle the dust.

For me, the cool change has lots of metaphorical meaning. Really, it represents a complete turnaround. The movement from something stifling to something freeing and refreshing. Do you remember the Little River Band from the late 1970s? They were an Australian group that had a number of hits in North America, among them Happy Anniversary, Reminiscing and Cool Change. The chorus from Cool Change goes like this (sing along if you know it):

Time for a cool change...I know that it's time for a cool change.
Now that my life is so prearranged I know that it's time for a cool change

Now that my life is so prearranged. I know it's time for a cool change.

The Land Down Unda

Greetings and Happy New Year from Australia

I arrived here on New Year's Day after having travelled first class from Edmonton. Let me tell you, first class is the way to go. It was weird being on the receiving end of the resentful/envious glances from the people travelling coach. In first class, they give you something to drink right when you sit down, as you're waiting for the plane to load. Usually, the choices are water, juice or wine/champagne. Because I was so sick with a cold, I usually chose juice. You are fed to death! The long trans-Pacific leg from Los Angeles featured an extensive menu of entree and dessert choices as well as a wine list. Of course, everything is gratis. And one has the choice of having your meal in several courses over the evening or at once so you can sleep. We were also given a little kit of supplies that included a sleep mask, earplugs, toothpaste and brush, socks, etc. The seats were like large lazy boys that reclined to almost flat, so it was actually possible to have a decent sleep. I woke a couple of time in the night only to have a flight attendant there immediately to offer me something to drink. I'd had a Bailey's as a 'nightcap' that helped my cough and also helped me sleep. I wish I'd been feeling better to more fully enjoy the service and pampering! They even put a priority on your luggage so that it comes out of the carousel first!

On the Los Angeles leg, I was fortunate enough to sit beside a woman named Renie from White Plains, New York. I imagine her to be in her late 60s and she was a delight! We were very comfortable comrades almost immediately. She was off to see her daughter in Hobart, Tasmania and had travelled business class several times before. So, she was able to tell me what all the buttons and levers on my chair were for. By the time we'd touched down in Melbourne, we had exchanged contact information and pledged to stay in touch...and we have!

Everything ground to a halt when we arrived in Sydney. We had to get off the plane, then go through security again to get on the one hour Melbourne bound flight. We were all set and ready to go when the pilot said there was a 'minor' mechanical problem that had to be seen too. Wouldn't be but a few minutes. Ultimately, that few minutes turned into a four hours as they eventually deplaned us, bought us lunch and searched for a different plane to take us to Melbourne. So close and yet so far! I had no way of contacting my sister and brother-in-law, who were stuck waiting in Tullamarine airport in Melbourne. For Renie, it meant missing her connection to Hobart and there are precious few flights there each day. Luckily, she was able to get a flight on another airline only an hour after her original flight.

When we finally got off the ground, we got a spectacular view of the Sydney Opera House and Sydney Harbour. I was struck by the difference in the countryside between Sydney area and Melbourne. Everything was so lush and green in Sydney, but as we flew in to Melbourne, the land looked absolutely scorched. Brown hardly begins to describe it, but it certainly drove home the reality of the drought in this part of Australia. Some parts of Australia, particularly along the northeast coast up into Queensland have had more rain than usual, while poor Tocumwal (where my sister lives) and the farming areas around there have been scorching for years now under the Australian sun. As a farmer in this part of the country, my brother-in-law has to buy an allotment of water with which he would irrigate his crops. The allotments have been cut back so severely by the NSW government that there is essentially no water to buy. Really, he can only have enough water for running the house, livestock and a bit for the garden. My sister and brother-in-law bought a new farm just over a year from now, which features a remarkable garden with more than 100 varieties of roses as well as a host of other flowing plants and shrubs. They've been hard pressed to keep the roses alive. Many other sections of the garden have had to succumbed to the heat. As for crops and livestock, there really is no point without water. It's grim to say the least. I think it's left my brother-in-law feeling very much as loose ends and wondering what he, at 50 years old, will do with the remaining working years of his life.

Not surprisingly, it has been very hot here in Tocumwal. It was around 40C when I got here on New Year's day and has ranged from a 'moderate' 33C to day to a possible 45C on Thursday. According to the residents of this small Australian town on the mighty Murray River, any temp over 40 is considered fairly oppressive. People would do what they had to early in the morning and retreat indoors until it cooled in the evening. It's a dry heat that reminds me of Las Vega -- like a kiln. It doesn't bother me too much to be honest because there is no humidity. Plus, my sister's in ground pool is about 20 steps from the back door ; )

I have managed to keep up my running so far. I hadn't had a run for over a week prior to my arrival because I'd been so sick. I've been getting up at around 7 am to beat the heat (though it's already about 25 by that time) and running north down the back track of my brother-in-law's land, across a small metal bridge that crosses a shallow channel that is the farm's water source, then east up another dirt track that runs parallel to the farm. Today I managed to get a 40 minute run in, which pleases me. The huge gum trees, which molt their bark in great brown and tan shards, arch over the track and provide a fair bit of shade. Once I'm running back up the paddock towards the house, however, it is bare, open field and I really feel the heat then. Sometimes, the dogs -- Loki, Lucy and Wally -- come along. It's wonderful to see dogs with so much room to run, so many smells to smell and things to pee on. Makes me realize how important walks are to my dogs and how much I miss them.

The kids, of course, have all grown dramatically since I was here last. Anna, the youngest, is 13 and is an observer. Still waters run deep with that girl. She is initially quite quiet, but I think now it's because she susses things out before she engages. Not a bad plan! She is very motivated on her own to get things done around the house and seems to keep a mental inventory of every object in the house. They say if Anna doesn't know where it is, it's lost. My nephew Michael (15) is over 6 feet tall now and struggling to cast off the last vestiges of boyhood. It's not easily done without awkwardness and pain (for everyone!). He reminds me a bit of the molting gum trees! Jenn, (20) the second eldest, is very even tempered, funny and comfortable in her own skin. She is on summer break from university where she is taking a nursing degree with a major in midwifery. She will start her third year in February. She's very anxious now about finding shared accommodations close to the university as her two roommates from last year have bailed on her without giving her much notice. Jenn is going out with a VERY nice boy named Ryan, who goes by the nickname Rizza (which sounds like "Rizzer" is Australian). He is finished his apprenticeship as an electrician as of today!! He is also a fairly accomplished football player who plays for an AFL farm team in Geelong, which is near Melbourne. Lisa, (22) the eldest, lives in Melbourne with her boyfriend of three years, Dave. Although she had a challenging adolescence, Lisa has found her way in life and is doing very well as a Accounts clerk with a company in the city. She will start taking some finance evening courses in the fall. That leaves Natalie (17) who is entering Grade 12 this fall (February). She still doesn't know what she wants to do when she finishes school, but I'm sure she'll work it out. She has a wry sense of humour and seems more bohemian in lots of ways than her siblings. She enjoys music, eating things that are bad for her, and hanging out with her "bestie" Nicole. It is so weird to have her driving me around!!

That's the state of the union in Tocumwal, New South Wales, Australia for January 7, 2008. I'll upload pictures at a later date as doing so from my sister's computer at home is a virtual impossibility.

Well, there's Christmas '07

I got a cold on Christmas Eve. In some ways, it was a mercy...freeing me the my usual refugee status I experience during the holidays. Lots of invitations, but belonging no where. I did go to my "Mom's" on Christmas Eve, and we had a nice evening as always. I was too under the weather to do anything Christmas Day (which I've generally always disliked anyway). However, today I had wanted to get out a bit as I've been a virtual shut in for almost five days. I just didn't feel well enough. Tomorrow, though, I return to work, which should get me back in the routine.

Routine. While at my "Mom's," I told her very briefly and superficially (because that's as much as I understand my current state of mind) how I've been feeling. She seemed to just 'know' what was going on. "You're in a rut," she said matter of factly. "You're spinning your wheels. Your job is boring you, you're disillusioned with your other work. Your stagnating." The way my body reacted to her words told me she was, of course, right. My other hint is the way I'm feeling about my impending departure for Australia. I cannot wait to get out of here. I need so desperately to get away from this place and all that is familiar and comfortable. I feel I am slowly dying here. It's not a painful death. Quite the contrary. I'm quite numb. I am measuring out my days in coffee spoons. One, another.

I'm not the kind of person that requires excitement, but I do require challenge. My mind feels as though it's turning to mush. My job has become mind numbingly familiar and recent events have shattered my rose coloured glasses. I have finally realized -- as I alluded to in my last post -- that I am not special enough to shatter the glass ceiling that exists between me and advancement in the organization for which I work. I've peaked. I'm 43! My question to the Universe is: what now? I make a wonderful salary with wonderful benefits. Listen to me. I've become chained to salary and benefits. Those are the words of someone who is faithless and ungrateful. When has the Universe failed to provide for me? Never.

So, I know that something will happen, because something always does. Interestingly, I feel strongly that I'm on the precipice of a new relationship. I don't know why. I've not met anyone, but I feel in my bones that by spring -- April or May-- by life will be different in that regard. I'll let you know if my hunch turns out to be right, or whether I've fallen victim to wishful thinking.

In the meantime, 2008 is upon us. I wish for you..and for me...all things good and true. I wish for the balance of learning from the past, living in the moment and hoping for the future.

I'll talk you next from Down Under.

Snow in December

Well, winter has finally taken hold. In the last three or so weeks, we've had the snow we should have had a month ago, plus this month's allotment. I suppose it makes Christmas more Christmassy.

I leave for Australia on the 30th. I can't believe the trip is upon me already. Time moves so much more quickly as one ages. My visit with my sister will be there and gone in an instant.

I had a revelation today. I realized that I am not special. I don't mean that to sound like a bad thing. I have been labouring (and I do mean that) under the illusion that if the big wigs at work just realized how smart, clever, invaluable and insightful (read: special) I am, they would reward me with status. A job that lets me use all those of those skills. I had a telephone meeting this morning with a fellow I do freelance work for. He said something made my brain go 'clang.' He said, "You can't tie yourself to an organization. Your skills go beyond that. You can be loyal to an organization, but individuals mean nothing to the corporate body. They will not be loyal to you." It was the proverbial 'a-ha' moment. I have come to love and be attached to the place that I work, but I have at last realized that this is an unrequited love. They're using me. Oh, don't get me wrong...they pay me well and give me good benefits and treat me well...but if I disappeared tomorrow it would be of no consequence to them. They're using me until I'm done with them or they're done with me. I once thought I'd retire at this company. I now see that is impossible and, unless things change dramatically, soul killing. So, it begs the question: what do I want to do with the rest of my life?

I have never planned my career. Not for a moment. I have simply floated in the water, letting the tide take me where it pleases. It's worked out pretty well. Over the last 4 years, I have let myself become anchored. The company has become the parent I want to please, the parent I wish would recognize me for the special child I am. Ain't gonna happen. And so, the challenge is not to find yet another surrogate parent (and therefore chase the same dream), but to leave home...leave what is safe and known. It's time to grow up and stop seeking that which can never be found. Instead of looking for someone to confirm my specialness, instead of looking outward, it's time look inward. It's time for knowing, not for asking.

Here's what I know. I'm smart, clever, shrewd. I understand what motivates people personally, professionally, politically. I can figure out the strategy and plans of others. I can formulate my own, and they pretty much always work. I always know what to do. I can write what needs to be said and make you feel good about reading it. I'm the kind of advisor business people wish for.

And, no, I wasn't asking.

Hard Knocks

I believe the one of the most dangerous things a person can become is complacent. It is possible to feel too safe, too sure, too secure. When that happens, the Universe invariably gives you a good swift kick. And, believe me, it hurts. A lot. What's worse is that those feelings of safety, sureness and security are like a rain puddle....shallow and easily evaporated. They're just gone and you are once again shivering in the cold of the world, naked and afraid. Getting that sense of safety back is a long, slow road. But, really, the question is: can you ever really get back there at all?

Quaecumque Vera

Quaecumque Vera. Whatsoever things are true. The motto of the University of Alberta, my beloved alma mater.

Today, as a member of the University of Alberta Senate, I had the honour and privilege of being part of the platform procession for Convocation. What an incredible feeling to come into the Auditorium to Pomp and Circumstance as part of a centuries old tradition. To come in as an established member of the academic community to welcome its newest members. I have come full circle.

The most remarkable moment was when we stepped on to the stage and turned to face the audience. In front of us was a sea of caps and hoods (the hood is draped over the shoulders; the colour of the satin identifies what department you belong to). I sat out there once. Now I was on the stage with the Chancellor, the University President, the Chair of the Board of Governors, my fellow Senators, Honorary Doctorate recipients and esteemed members of the University's faculty. It filled me with incredible joy.

In some part, I felt so grateful to have my graduate work so far behind me. It's been 15 years since I got my Master's degree. 15 years!! Even so, I remember the pain of it. The burden of it. The sinking feeling that I'd never get it done. The increasing resentment I felt towards my advisor, whose instructions and feedback required a cryptographer to decipher. The knowledge that my thesis was not nearly my best piece of work, but merely the only piece of work I was capable of producing at the time. I'd written far better papers as an undergraduate. Far better. Still it was done and I'd fulfilled the requirements. I was 28 when I got my M.A. 28. At the time, I thought I was a slacker. I should have been done when I was 26. I could have been. Easily. Apparently not so easily. Now, at 43, I realize how young I was to have a graduate degree.

It has made all the difference. People have asked me what on earth a person can do with a Master's degree in English. My answer: anything. It has opened doors. It trained me to be a respected and sought after writer. It taught me to think and to question, to wonder and to dream. And, perhaps most importantly, it has helped me impress women.

Most of all, though, my time at the University left me with one purpose in my life: to seek out, to the best of my ability, whatsoever things are true.

Congratulations to the University of Alberta's Class of 2007.

Tassimo

In an earlier post, I mentioned going out into the world to buy unnecessary plastic objects, thereby doing my part to contribute both to global warming and mindless, rampant consumerism. Okay. I'm a bad person. Let's move on. On Sunday, I bought a Tassimo beverage machine. It makes single serving beverages using these little 'pucks' that are placed into the machine, which then sends hot water through the pucks (which contain espresso, hot chocolate, or tea, etc) into an awaiting mug. I specifically got the machine in order to make lattes. I considered getting a 'real' espresso machine, but didn't see myself going to all the fuss. But, like my Roomba robot vacuum (yes, I have one of those, too), the Tassimo was a pleasant surprise. The lattes are yummy! Check it out: www. tassimo.com. Oh, and if you're wondering about the Roomba....it is remarkable and even a little loveable.